The pressure to appear flawless online and in every aspect of our lives is taking a significant toll on our wellbeing. Nearly two million people in the UK are currently on waiting lists for mental health services, with the average wait for support 703 days.
Undoubtedly, the online culture of rising perfectionism is a contributing factor. Perfectionism has escalated by 33% since 1989, according to a University of Bath study of 40,000 students across universities in the UK, US and Canada, as online life pushes expectations towards unattainable standards. But as we strive for these ideals, we must ask, at what cost do they come?
While aiming for excellence can motivate, perfectionism is a dangerous mindset that can lead to severe self-criticism, burnout, and an inability to appreciate personal achievements. It equates self-worth with productivity and success, often leaving individuals trapped in a cycle of dissatisfaction and mental distress. Understanding the nature of perfectionism and recognising its impact, particularly on women, is crucial for breaking this destructive cycle and fostering a healthier, more balanced approach to life.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is characterised by the unceasing pursuit of unrealistic goals, leading to an endless loop of self-criticism. Perfectionists are harsh judges of their performance and often fail to recognise their achievements; there are three main types of perfectionism:
• Self-Oriented Perfectionism: Individuals set excessively high standards for themselves, becoming their own worst critics. This often results in an inability to complete tasks as they never seem ‘good enough.’
• Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism: The belief that society or specific individuals expect one to meet impossible standards. This form can be particularly damaging, as it fosters a sense of never being able to satisfy external expectations.
• Other-Oriented Perfectionism: Setting unrealistic standards for others, leading to frustration and disappointment when they fail to meet these expectations. This form can damage relationships and hinder effective teamwork.
At what cost?
People who strive for perfection are often caught in a cycle of self-doubt and insecurity, feeling inadequate despite their accomplishments. This can erode self-esteem, making it difficult to appreciate their worth beyond their achievements. Moreover, societal expectations and media portrayals exacerbate these feelings, presenting an ideal of the ‘perfect woman’ that is impossible to attain.
Avoiding the Perfectionism Trap
To navigate the fine line between striving for excellence and falling into the perfectionism trap, here are five questions to ask yourself when working on a task:
1. Is this goal realistic?
Perfectionists often set unattainably high goals. Ask yourself if your current objective is achievable within the given constraints. If not, adjust your expectations to a more realistic level.
2. Am I prioritising progress over perfection?
Focus on the process and your progress rather than a perfect outcome. Celebrate small wins and recognise that growth often comes from learning through mistakes.
3. What would I say to a friend in this situation?
Perfectionists tend to be overly critical of themselves while being compassionate towards others. Practice extending that same kindness to yourself. Would you judge a friend as harshly as you judge yourself?
4. Is the time and effort I’m investing proportional to the value of this task?
Perfectionists can get caught up in minor details. Consider whether the time and effort you put into a task are justified by its importance. It’s essential to recognise when ‘good enough’ is, indeed, enough.
5. Am I afraid of judgement or failure?
Fear of criticism often drives perfectionism. Reflect on whether your efforts are driven by a genuine desire to do well or by a fear of how you’ll be perceived. Remember, it’s okay not to be perfect; vulnerability is a part of being human.
Breaking free
Overcoming perfectionism starts with understanding that perfection is an illusion. Embrace the idea that self-worth is not tied to achievements. Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present and self-compassion to counteract negative self-talk. If perfectionism overwhelms, seeking professional help can provide tailored strategies and support to develop healthier thinking patterns.
Perfectionism can feel like a relentless pursuit, and it often leads to dissatisfaction and poor mental health. By recognising the different forms of perfectionism and reflecting on how it manifests in our lives, we can begin to challenge these harmful tendencies. Remember, aiming for progress rather than perfection is not a sign of complacency but a step toward a more balanced, fulfilling life. So, the next time you find yourself caught in the perfectionism trap, pause and ask: Is this worth my wellbeing?
Don’t let the pursuit of perfection hold you back from living a joyful and fulfilling life.
Laura Tristram is the Mental Health & Wellbeing Lead at Lumii.life, dedicated to promoting mental wellbeing and breaking the stigma surrounding mental health issues.
